Break In
by Princess Antanasia the Vampire
Summary: Magnus returns to his apartment to find it silent and empty and he reflects on why. Inspired by the song Break In by Halestorm. Contains CoLS spoilers.


**Summary:** Magnus returns to his apartment to find it silent and empty and he reflects on why. Inspired by the song Break In by Halestorm. Contains CoLS spoilers.

**Author's Note: Yes. CoLS broke my heart. So, being the PAtV you all know and love, what do I do? Write angsty make up fic. HURRAY! I know the song that inspired this is not technically about a break up, but it's so Alec to Magnus and I couldn't help it. The song actually made me think of them before CoLS but it just became that much more Malec to me afterwards and in a more equal way. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Mortal Instruments or Break In. They belong to Cassie Clare and Halestorm respectively.

_Put your lighter in the air and lead me back home_

_When it's all said and done and I follow the echoes_

_I hear you night after night calling out my name_

_And I find myself running to meet you_

_I didn't want to escape_

_From the bricks that I laid down_

_You are the only one_

_The only one that sees me_

_Trusts me and believes me_

_You are the only one_

_The only one that knows me_

_And in the dark you show me_

_yeah it's perfectly reckless_

_Damn you leave me defenseless_

_So break in_

_Break in_

_You let me fall apart without letting go_

_Then you pick up the pieces and you make me whole_

_I didn't want to escape_

_From the bricks that I laid down_

_You are the only one_

_The only one that sees me_

_Trusts me and believes me_

_You are the only one_

_The only one that knows me_

_And in the dark you show me_

_yeah it's perfectly reckless_

_Damn you leave me defenseless_

_So break in_

_And take everything I have_

_Until there is nothing left_

_Until it's just your voice in my head_

_And when the lights come on_

_You see me as I am_

_You're still inside me_

_You are the only one_

_The only one that sees me_

_Trusts me and believes me_

_You are the only one_

_The only one that knows me_

_And in the dark you show me_

_Yeah it's perfectly reckless_

_Damn you leave me defenseless_

_So break in_

_Break in_

_Put your lighter in the air and lead me back home _

The apartment is silent when Magnus walks in. It normally was, of course, but this was not the normal silence. Chairman Meow is like a statue, almost glaring at the warlock. There is no water running down the hall. The windows are shut and there is no sound coming from outside. Even the neighbors are uncharacteristically quiet.

The next thing Magnus notices is the key on the coffee table. His insides tighten as he looks at it. He picks it up gingerly and palms it. It was cool; it had been left there hours ago.

Then he looks up and sees the empty arm of the coatrack.

Magnus is alone.

He picks up his cat who had padded over concernedly.

"I guess it's just us again, Chairman." The cat hisses, clearly upset by the news. It leaps from its master's arms and slinks out of the room.

"Great." Magnus mutters. "Now everyone's upset." He stalks to his bedroom, making as much noise as possible to break the stifling silence.

It was, as always, artfully messy. To the untrained eye, nothing had changed. But Magnus knew that if he opened the drawers, the plethora of neatly-folded, drab-colored sweaters would all be gone. The dark tee-shirts, the holey jeans. Shadow hunting gear and scarves and shoes. Briefs, not boxers, and socks and the mini arsenal he had thought he had managed to keep secret, not that Magnus had minded. All his, all gone.

Magnus starts putting things away. He hated neatness, but the empty drawers were worse.

He cleans for hours, until it is dark, trying to fill the emptiness, literal and emotional.

Clothing is folded and put away. Accessories organized neatly. Jewelry in its place.

He even makes the bed, drawing a line at changing the canary yellow sheets that smelled like them, he and Magnus, together. He shakes out the comforter, spreading it. Out of it falls a crumpled ball of dark cloth. The warlock approaches it tentatively, as if it were going to bite him.

It was a tee-shirt. It was black with a white skull on the front. Magnus had given it to him and he had worn it, not because he was particularly enthralled with punk fashion, but because he treasured the gift. For a panicked second Magnus thought he had left it on purpose. Then he realized that other gifts he had given him were gone.

So it had been an accident. Magnus sits and holds it. It smells like him. Like fabric softener, sweat, adrenaline and sandalwood.

It was the last straw for Magnus. His hurt and anger and frustration and betrayal and sadness unleash themselves on the room. The mirror cracks and the curtains fall, revealing the Brooklyn night. The light bulbs blow and the fire in the fireplace is extinguished.

Magnus sits in the dark with tears streaming down his face for the first time in a century. The warlock lets himself hurt surrounded by the scent of him.

Alec.

Alexander.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

Alec.

Alec.

Alec.

It had been so long since he had allowed himself to love anyone. He had expected this time to be different. He had wanted this to be different, _needed_ this to be different.

Alec.

He had met Alec and he had known. Known that this Nephilim who looked like a blast from the past would make him fall too hard and too quickly.

And, Magnus admits, he had loved it. Feeling alive and love. And now Magnus wanted to not love him almost as much as he wanted him. To not want to give everything inside of him, his mind, his heart, and his soul, to Alexander Lightwood.

Worse still, Magnus knew it was his own fault. How could he accuse Alec of distrusting him when _he_ was the one who never disclosed anything about himself?

He did trust Alexander. He did. But he knew it had not seemed that way to Alec.

Magnus knew that he had allowed his beloved to hurt to the point where he had felt compelled to go behind his back.

Alec was going to be the last. He would never love again, because he would never stop loving Alec.

And Magnus knew, despite his accusation, that Alec did trust him. With nothing to go on but a declaration of his love, Alec had trusted him blindly. Magnus had admired and loved that. Magnus knew he would never be that trusting. But Alec was innocent and he had believed every word that Magnus said.

Magnus hadn't believed Camille. He hadn't _wanted_ to believe Camille. He _couldn't_, for the sake of his sanity, believe Camille.

Until that was, he had followed Alec, trustworthy, honest, beautiful Alec, to the abandoned subway tunnel.

Alec had been light. A star to follow to happiness. Magnus had never cared about someone that deeply, nor had someone love him that way. He had never let anyone in as far as he had Alec, which was, he knew, not very far. But he would've opened farther, he knew. He never would have been able to keep his Alec out. Alec had methodically stripped away his defenses, every wall and shield, brick by brick. Alec's pain, his questions, his trust. Everything about Alec brought down every wall Magnus had put up over eight hundred years.

He hadn't even minded helping Alec's friends with their misadventures. They amused him and he had like making Alec happy. Alec did good things in the world and he had included Magnus in that. After so many centuries of life, he was helping for the sake of helping and it was a new feeling. And he had done it for Alec.

Magnus closed his eyes and just held Alec's shirt. He buried his face in it and cried. It felt food in a way. Just to not think and allow himself to hurt.

He does not know how long he had sat there before he looked up, but he is still surrounded by the dark of the night. He eyes Chairman Meow, who had come into the room and disturbed Magnus' solitude.

He strokes the cat absently.

He feels gross and knows he looks even worse. He stands up and goes to shower.

As he washes the gel and the glitter out of his hair and the makeup off his face, he feels different. More natural and comfortable. This is, underneath everything he pretends to be, who he is. Just a man, tall, with dark hair and green cat eyes. Who can conjure fire and open portals and summon demons. But a man. With a heart and a soul and a mind and eight hundred years' worth of life and loves. And he cannot help but be hung up on Alec, the man he loves. The man who idolized him. Built him up to be more than he is. Who Magnus let down and who let Magnus down.

Clean, but still miserable, he towels off.

All he can think of is Alec's voice. Calling his name as they made love and telling Magnus that he loves him and begging him not to die as he was unconscious on the ground with a knife in his chest and whispering "Kiss me," in a way so vulnerable Magnus could not refuse despite his anger.

Magnus is no longer angry, only hurt and confused and he hopes secretly that he has not heard the end of Alexander Gideon Lightwood. He wants Alec to come and plead for Magnus to take him back. And he knows he will take back his beautiful, broken Nephilim if he asks.

He looks in the mirror. His eyes are red and he looks tired.

He finishes in the bathroom and without dressing he returns to his bedroom. On the way he glances at the clock, which declares it to be three o'clock in the morning.

Magnus lies in bed, not sleeping. Chairman Meow seems to have forgiven him and is now curled up against him. It comforts Magnus but he cannot help but wish he were in bed with Alec, not a blanket hogging feline.

He hears a noise but he ignores it. It is probably the neighbors, fighting again. He feels vindictive and cruel and hopes that they are broken up again because if he isn't happy, why should they be?

He pulls the cat closer to him and closes his eyes. He opens them again as Chairman Meow squirms. Magnus blinks against the light. He is confused for a moment – light? He looks up and sees what the Chairman had been reacting to. It was Alec. He smells like tears and sweat and himself and the light that blinded him was a witchlight, probably the same one that had reacted so colorfully to him – to them – that morning. In Alec's other hand is a stele – he had to have drawn an opening rune on the door, Magnus thinks.

A thrill goes through Magnus before he realizes that he supposed to be angry. He sits up.

"What are you doing here, Alexander?" Magnus asks, not able to put much threat into the words.

"I forgot my shirt." He whispers. "The one you gave me." And Magnus breaks. He cannot hold back anymore.

"How could you do this to me, Alexander? Why did you hurt me?" Magnus asks, vulnerable and small, something so unexpected that Alec looks at him in surprise for a fraction of a second before his beautiful face becomes a mask of pain.

"I don't know." Alec says softly. "I'm not going to make excuses. I was selfish and cruel and horrible and I'm sorry." He looks around the room. "If you know where my shirt is, I can get out of here…"

Magnus holds it up. He had brought it under the covers with him when he had laid down. Alec looks surprised again. "It smells like you." Magnus admits.

Alec looks touched and guarded as if bracing himself for more pain than that which he is inevitably in.

And Magnus kisses him. Alec clutches Magnus as if he is going to die. Magnus pulls Alec down onto their bed and they continue to kiss. Alec holds onto Magnus but does not push for more than the kiss that they are sharing. And Magnus does not ask for more. Together they lay there, kissing each other softly, until they fall asleep together.


End file.
